Me being the person that I am, often think about things WAY too much. Sometimes it can be a good thing, though. In this case, I'd say that it is good. Sometimes I'll sit and ponder looking back on my life and ask myself, "Have I actually learned from my mistakes? Have I actually become stronger because of my trials? If I went through those same trials now, would I handle them differently because of the person I am becoming (or hoping that I am becoming)." Not sure if that made any sense, but I just wonder a lot, because, we tend to make the same mistakes over and over again, so when do we finally learn? Why don't we learn, repent, and then never do it again? The more I thought about this, the more I realized how key the Atonment of Jesus Christ is in all of this. Not only the Atonement, but faith in the Atonement, knowing that if we have the desire to change, then we can. For the first time ever, I finally got a glimpse of how I can do that.
This is my first semester back at BYU from being on my mission. Two transfers before I came home I made sure to get everything sorted out for school so that on my last transfer I could really focus on finishing strong. I was in contact with my Liaisons, who then transferred me to working with my advisor in setting up my classes. I had asked him if he could set up a grad plan for me, and let me know which courses I needed to take this next semester in order to start my practicum in the fall. He sent me the list of classes, I looked them over, not recognizing the names of any of them, trust that these were right!
When you get home from a mission you expect your life to just work out so perfectly, as you hear the saying, "God takes care of His missionaries." Well, when I get into my 3-hour once a week class on THURSDAY-meaning I had already been through almost a whole week of classes-I begin recognizing all the things my teacher is teaching the class. I just think to myself, "It can't be! That course had a different name to it!" I then frantically search my computer for any and every evidence of me taking this course. My first step was looking up my transscript, but there was documentation that I had even taken this class to be found. I search through my onenotebook on my laptop and am able to find a couple of notes from the class. I then find assignments, papers, various pieces of proof.! BUT IT WAS NOT ON MY TRANSCRIPT!! Would I have to retake this class again?
Our class begins preparing for a quick activity we are going to do with the class, an activity I knew very well from having taken this class already. I notion my teacher over, and explain to her that I know I took this class with Dr. Cutri. "Oh, yes, she teaches this, too! Well, they did change a couple of the names of the courses in the past 2 years, so this could be why." AHhh, why did my advisors not catch this? Would I have to retake this class, and then realizing another that needed to be added on the list of courses I had already taken. Would I have been able to be in my practicum now if they had figured this out? Even if they find that I took these two classes, and I drop them, where am I supposed to find 6 credits worth of classes to fill in this hole! I had to have at least 14 to keep scholarship, and I would only have 9!
After going to advisement, they informed me that I would not be able to come in for another hour, so I drove over to my sister Karen's to drop something off. Driving to her house I could not contain my tears. I felt so stuck, like there was no out, and all I wanted to do was complain about it, and blame my advisors, but I knew that would not fix anything. That's when it hit me. I am growing. I am learning. I remembered that even though I had no idea how I was going to get out of this mess, Heavenly Father would. He knows ALL things. Trying to fight past my tears, I began to sing a children's hymn:
Heavenly Father, are you really there?
And do you hear and answer every child's prayer?
Some say that Heaven is far away
But I feel it close around me as I pray
Heavenly Father, I remember now,
something that Jesus told disciples long ago:
Suffer the children, to come to me.
Father in Heaven I come to thee.
Pray, He is there.
Speak, He is listening.
You are His child.
His love now surrounds you.
He hears your prayers,
He loves the children,
of such is the kindgom;
The kingdom of Heav'n.
That was my prayer. And I knew that Heavenly Father had heard it. I felt it. And He answered in ways that I could not have possibly imagined. This is where the many might miracles come in.
I return to the advisement office later that day when they inform me that they were able to find record of me taking those two courses, and that the names had been changed. That being said, they explained that I still needed to take Statistics class, and one more Religion credit to finish my generals; courses I was planning on taking in the summer. Not knowing if there would even be available spots to these courses, or get a decent professor, or if I would be able to catch up on the whole week's worth of classes I had already missed.
Miracle #1
When I get to my math class, I am trying to add in a religion course: Teachings of the Living Prophets. I felt terrible because I probably seemed so rude being on my laptop during class, but the urgency could not escape me. The only decent teacher available for this course was Prof. Newell. His ratings were not very great, but better than the other two availble professors. I click the 'add' button and it simply is not letting me add. It keeps showing me those annoying "proof that you're not a robot" things. And it kept saying that I was incorrect! How rude! I did it over and over and over again! Now having the help of classmates, and my teacher definitely does not like me at this point. It couldn't have been a worse day to sit in the front. Eventually I took my laptop and left the classroom. Trying to add it over and over again, I notice something different. I see the number 1, in a space that had the symbol " - " meaning, no spot available. Now there was a one there! I look over at who the professor is, I go to ratemyproffessor.com and He has the best ratings of any teacher for this course!! Everyone loves him! Wow. If I had gotten right into the class with Newell I would have shut my laptop and sealed the deal. But, Heavenly Father knew better.
Miracle #1a
I especially knew that he knew better when I got home from classes that day and I was explaining the whole situation to my sister Katie, on the phone. I told her how I was now taking the teachings of the living Prophets with Brother Freeman, and was really excited. When I hung up the phone, my roommate Virgdant says, "Hey, so I over heard that you're taking Brother Freeman for Teachings of the Living Prophets! That's actually who I took it with last semester! I have all of the books if you would like them!" I could not believe what I was hearing!!! I thank her over and over again, explaining that I had to add a statistics class as well to my schedule when I hear, "Oh, well, I took that last semester as well if you wanted my book." Heavenly Father watches out for His children, we must prove or be tried of our faith in Him.
Just in my Marriage and Family class that week, our teacher had talked about how if we keep asking Heavenly Father why me, we will be disctracted by all the good that is in store for us. I know this is true. If I had gone around complaining, showing no faith, I would not have recieved a witness of His love in a way that I did that day.
Miracle#1b
Being that I added these classes on Thursday, I knew I would be two days already behind in my Statistics class. For someone who has to put in more effort in school than the average Joe, I knew I would need help. I went on to Learning Suite (a site that BYU uses to help keep your courses and assignments organized. Also a way that teachers and students are all able to communicate with eachother) and saw that I could message students in my courses. I sent out a mass message explaing my situation, and if anyone would be willing to meet up with me. A couple of people responded, including one in particular. Greg Low. Of course I checked him out on Facebook to see if he looked like someone I could trust to me with, and felt comfortable. I responded back and we met up. Well we continued to meet almost every other day to study and work on our quizes together. He helped me so much understand concepts, and was so patient when I was having a hard time understanding the concepts. Well, I guess it just goes to show that the best relationships are formed by two really good friends. On Feb 10, we decided that dating was something that was worth trying. What a blessing and miracle this has been in itself.
So many miracles stemmed from a trial that I thought would be the complete opposite of a miracle. I know that when those trials come, if we just give up, unwilling to act on faith, knowing that as long as we are doing all that we can, continually acting, staying positive, and relying on the Lord, we will received a witness of God's love and his many might miracles.
